In Overdrive and Anxiety? You're Already Living the Life You're Chasing (Here's How to See It)
Apparently I'm not the only one haunted by a voice that tells me, often, that I "should" be somewhere else, doing something else, faster and more efficiently than I already am. Which usually means I also "should" already have done things better than they're done.
There's no way to win according to this voice.
Yet it's relentless in trying to convince you there's some magical moment when everything will be perfectly complete and…then you can finally rest, relax, and enjoy your life. It seems to be unable to bear a moment without stress, pressure, or a rigidly defined purpose.
QUESTIONING THE VOICE
So how do we get it out of our head? By responding to it with quick logic, grounded in reality. I've found that this keeps any dialogue short and shifts my energetic state instantly.
Lately I've been asking myself a question that gets the voice to pause and reconsider.
"If I were ____, would I still be doing this right now?"
UPROOTING THE FEAR
The key to making this question work is filling in that blank with something tied to the underlying, driving fear. Let's take fears around money as an example.
These fears come up regardless of circumstances—in this case what's in your bank account, on its way, or invested into things you can touch. No amount of external reassurance can guarantee you an escape from an internal spiral.
The voice says: "Once I have more money, I won't have to worry or rush anymore."
Ask yourself: "If I were rich, would I still be doing this right now?"
So often, the answer is yes. Yes, I would be having dinner with my family. Yes, I would be snuggling with my husband. Yes, I would be reading a book in the bath.
Each Yes reveals something— I am already living moments that feel rich. Sure, if I had more money maybe I could buy a lake house instead of renting one or be soaking in a deep cast iron tub I picked out myself instead of a fiberglass garden tub that came stock with the house.
Yet, the moment I'm in now can bring me just as much pleasure and enjoyment. What might happen in the future isn't better—just different. I won't ever get to come back and experience this exact moment again with these exact conditions.
The moment you're in now, is the only one of its kind.
This question and reflection process got me to a point of appreciation for where I am and where I will be. Who I am today is who I want to be tomorrow. And it feels so good.
MOVING FROM FEAR TO DESIRE
This question doesn't just apply to money. It works for fear of change, deprivation, loneliness—any fear that tells you "Once I have x, then I'll be okay.”
Here's what I've learned: fears are often our desires, distorted.
We want something—money, a partner, a new career. But when we don't have it now, we think we'll never get it. And without it, we feel bad. So we must be bad.
We let this spiral continue because we believe feeling bad is how you get motivated to do better. It's preferable to our brains—after all, we're the only thing we can control.
But feeling bad doesn't reliably create good.
When we realize parts of our lives already feel the way we want them to, it fuels us. It creates change from "I'd love more of this" rather than "I'll never have enough to be happy."
The new equation:
Here now + enjoying this moment = I love this. I'd love more of this.
This shifts us into capability, wonder, openness—where we make moment-by-moment decisions that build into the life we want.
To have less fear, you don't have to fight it—you get to hold more love.
