You're Probably Being a B*tch to Yourself Right Now
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It's easy to imagine a far off future where you feel better.
Where you have all the money and time and none of the stress or uncertainty you have today.
We're wired to want that kind of escape. But the truth about that fantasy is that you're not just looking forward to some day when you'll finally have the life you want.
What you're really hoping for is a future where you're not a bitch to yourself anymore.
But instead of addressing that relationship, we go for what we're sold—a less effective solution entirely.
THE PROBLEM WITH "YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR REALITY"
I find this perspective to be spiritual bypassing at best, a complete fallacy at worst. If it were true, you could intentionally sit and think thoughts opposed to your reality and your reality would just change because you had the thoughts.
But chanting affirmations like “I am a rich, lit up woman!” when you’re broke and feeling broken…
Making major life decisions like quitting a job because you’re “acting as if” you already have a new one…
Journaling out a vision of what you’ll be doing the first day you ever make $10K when you can’t even barely imagine making $100 each day…
These don’t reliably or sustainably work.
They are just a massive dice roll. A chance at good luck. A short lived “quick fix” that makes you feel like you’re really doing something when in fact you’re doing it all sitting still.
They don’t reliably work because they’re motivated by the fear of not wanting to have negative thoughts (because they will create a negative reality) and the need to control every thought (because then reality will be perfect).
HOW THINKING DIFFERENTLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE
I launched my first blog in 2016 called “Provocative Mama” because I wanted to “provoke” people. I wanted to help them think differently.
I knew then what I’ve lived now—that changing the way you think really can change your life.
And that is something other than the pop cliche “your thoughts create your reality.”
“Thinking differently” changes our lives. It requires us to acknowledge that everything in life is a dice roll…so why fear the outcome or try to control it?
Thinking differently is a new way to be.
It's where we develop more flexibility, resilience, and acceptance of ourselves and the world around us. So that we can engage more, not escape more.
Everyday decisions feel more rewarding. We get better at setting boundaries for ourselves. We honor where we are right now. We get connected with what makes life really worth living.
THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD IS THE WHOLE THING
Underneath it all is, and I mean this literally, a vibe. There’s a tone. An energy.
The same way our voices hum when we speak, our thoughts hum when we think…harmonizing with and syncing up with our emotions. Working in tandem to captivate your attention, to give you an experience, to get you to express. To act. To create.
Think for a moment about the tone of the voice in your head right now. How have you been reading this to yourself? How have you been talking to yourself?
And why did you choose that voice? Because no one else is in your head with you making you choose one or the other.
You could be listening to Moira Rose all day. Or Bill Nye. Or Rob Bell.
But instead you most likely choose something decidedly un-fun, slightly rushed, and a little annoyed.
THAT is how you’re thinking.
You’re thinking in a way that creates less joy, more pressure, and more irritation.
You don't have to think happy thoughts to get out of it. You don't have to fantasize for temporary relief. You can take a more sustainable approach.
IT TAKES MORE — AND IT LASTS
There’s that way of thinking differently, though. It does require more up front investment, more vulnerability, more surrender, more presence, more trust. But the results build over time and last.
I know this because I've lived it in a most literal, physical way.
When I started working out eight years ago, I had no idea how deeply I would come to embody this truth. That the things you want don’t have to be easy or fast to get. They don’t have to come all at once. And they don’t have to be driven by a disconnected, unrealistic fantasy.
When I started working out my goals were simple: I wanted to get stronger. I wanted to have more energy. And I thought it would be nice to gain a little weight if I could.
There was no goal body. Goal weight. Or an event I had to train for. I wasn’t dreading working out and I didn’t see it as punishment in any way.
It was about building a new part of me.
Three years in, I had my first moment of truly feeling how much different my body was. I could test my limits. Trust my reflexes. And heal from mild injuries more easily.
WHAT THIS BUILDS IN YOU
No matter what area of life you want to change, getting your energy clear and connected is what changes the way you think—gives you a whole new inner environment to think in.
Redecorates. Recalibrates. And forms the foundation of a resilient relationship with yourself. Rather than requiring you to have an iron grip on reality.
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In an upcoming post I’ll be covering How to Think Better—What it sounds like to motivate yourself without shame, punishment, or pressure
