I threw him off of me.
I ran out the room and collapsed in the bathroom, sobbing.
No - I wasn’t being attacked or violated…
It was just that my dear, sweet husband was trying his darndest to cut through my icy shield of resentment and resistance and make love to me.
So what the heck was my problem?
Well, maybe you’ve been there too - stuck in the overwhelming muck of resistance, the grime of unworthiness smeared across your thoughts, and the deeply unsettling feeling that you’re not safe in the pleasure and ecstasy of your body… all stemming from FEAR - you’re stuck in a fight or flight… panic and protect paradigm.
It can feel completely out of control to be numb, stuck, and wondering if you’ll ever have intimacy with your partner again - even if it was only a week ago that you last connected.
The rhythm is off. The flow is dammed. The connection is severed.
And you’re not sure how to get yourself the eff out! And let me tell you, this is just part of the journey. The friction and chemistry of a partnership can be intense... what is KEY is that you know HOW to move through it so you aren't stuck in the never-never land of disconnection.
The thing about our libido, desire, and sexuality is that they are not a simple 1+1=2 equation… they’re more like trying to explain a tesseract in 3D. That's the square of a square of a square... and maybe a couple more squares.
See, I can't even scratch the surface.
Today we’re here to dispel some of the mystery and uncertainty of how on earth you can handle yourself when you’re numb, freaking the eff out, and ready to move on with your life (and have wildly divine intimacy in the mix).
STEP 1: Allow yourself to FEEL.
Rage, frustration, fear, even NUMBNESS… just allow your body to sense what is going on and acknowledge the sensations and feelings that come up. No judgement. No changing them. No thinking about why or what they are.
STEP 2: Recognize the roots
What beliefs or thoughts are coming up for you as you experience this sensation in your body?
Are you afraid you aren’t safe?
Do you feel that you can’t trust your partner?
Are there old wounds or hurts surfacing?
Is there something you have not forgiven your partner for? Is there something you haven’t forgiven yourself for?
Are you worried you aren’t enough?
Do you feel you don’t deserve to have this pleasure?
STEP 3: Release the charge of these emotions and beliefs
You can do this using the Priestess Release breath technique I share in my free program On Fire High Priestess Manifestation, use a pendulum to clear the energy, or use a magnet run along your governing meridian (nose, up over the crown, down the back of the neck) to release, or you can punch/hit/kick your couch if you’re feeling especially rage-y!
STEP 4: Honor your emotions with action and movement.
Talk with your partner, journal, extend forgiveness if you’re ready, change something in your life that is repeatedly creating this tension (like overworking, toxic friendships, misaligned client connections, etc.)
STEP 5: Surrender to your pleasure.
This can be the most challenging step, but it is also the most rewarding.
Stop TRYING to be present. TRYING to feel pleasure. TRYING to open up. Just surrender. Don’t think about it. Allow it. Feel it. Remember pleasure.
Melt into your body and melt into your lovers arms.
Get caught up in the moment.
TELL him when it’s too much, not enough, too fast, too slow and then move ON with it.
Be fierce in your surrender. Be expectant. Be radiant.
As you surrender you’ll find that the heat returns, your core lights up, and your crazy tesseract equation doesn’t matter anymore because… you’re simply dancing.
Intimate resistance shows up in approximately 34,983 different ways and threatens to drag your emotional vibration down into the gutter, drowns you in self-doubt, and shuts down your receiving and manifesting center - your pelvic bowl.
THERE IS MORE for you, love, and it starts with dropping down between your hips into the depths of your sexual power and soul.