When I wake up in the morning, I'm almost always the first one up. The house is full of golden silence and I can make my face up, brew my coffee, and cook my breakfast in peace. I love it.
Except when I have hated it, because my kids have gotten up early and "ruined" my morning.
There's a tension that rises in my body when I've become frustrated by their presence. Why are you UP right now? Go back to bed! is my silent pleading.
Recently, though, I've realized how destructive this pattern is... not just to my children - who inevitably feel my frustrated energy - but to myself as well.
Let me explain what happens in our bodies when we have an emotional response to something that we feel we have no control over.
First, preceding the emotional response, we have thoughts like the silent pleading I described above.
Second, we have a visceral body reaction to the situation. Third, we create emotions from our visceral body response and make up stories based on them. Fourth, we react from our emotions.
In the case of my kids interrupting my morning, there's another sneaky little element to my inner drama - mommy guilt.
I know that I shouldn't be feeling so frustrated with them. For goodness sake, they're just waking up! I also know that I should be patient and kind and warmly wish them a good morning.
And usually, I do. I do what I should do. I'm a good mom.
However, being the good mom doesn't always mean that we're aware of what's actually going on within ourselves. Being the good mom actually requires us to:
• Numb out our own emotional reactions
• Ignore our own thoughts and beliefs
• Put on a facade of pleasantries for show
This, my friend, should be called the bullshit mom.
The Stepford mom.
The robot mom.
Our children are human, and so are we. In order for us to become the best mothers that we can, a deep embodiment of our emotions is required. An embodiment that doesn't leave us in victimhood to our reactions or to our children, but one that brings the deeper thought paradigms into our awareness and allows for honest examination of our inner world.
When I really look at what's going on for me in my interrupted morning, I can see that I'm creating a duality - I either get exactly what I want in the morning and I'm happy, or I have an interrupted morning and punish myself and my kids by becoming happy-robot-good-mom.
The inner work starts with allowing. Remembering that this is all okay. There's no shame.
It's okay that I want my mornings to look a certain way. It's also okay that my mornings are sometimes interrupted.
It's okay that I feel frustrated by my mornings being interrupted. It's also okay for me to let that frustration move through me quickly and not get hung up on thoughts about what I or my children should be doing.
Living in a state of obligation and victimhood (which is what my attachment to my perfect morning was) is a total energy drain and causes us to eventually numb out.
Where have you found yourself in the normal, sometimes unpredictable rhythms of motherhood trying to put on the good mom show while secretly holding in your emotions?
To give yourself space for processing and shifting is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
P.S. Motherhood and emotional embodiment are themes we explore often in my Worship HER Fan Club. I’d love to invite you to check out this monthly membership where we gather twice monthly for group coaching and healing as we rise together into our pleasure and power. Just click here to learn more.