"I'm afraid to so much as brush his arm in the kitchen... I'm afraid he'll get an instant a hard on and think I wanted to jump his bones."
And, my dear, why don't you want to? Why don't you want to have sex?
Let's not pretend that this is your fear only ever so often... we both know it happens more often than not. Pushing him away, numbing out, avoiding arousal in your body.
The surrender to pleasure is terrifying to you.
Where HAS your sex drive gone? When did you kiss it buhbye?
Call me psychic if you will, you're thinking it's because you had kids. Because you've been married for so long. Because of the day to day grind.
Hun, this is a farce. A show your ego is putting on to keep you separated from your Self, your Power, your Pleasure.
When you get really present, you'll feel the duality. Your everyday life over here in a box and your sex life over there in a box. As long as you can keep them nice and tidy in their respective boxes you can keep yourself save from vulnerability, from openness, from surrender, from blissful abandon of your inhibitions.
I know - those fucking inhibitions are comfy! The false safety you get from staying "in control" is actually robbing you of control... it's a nice warm scarf that's wrapped a little too damn tight.
Why are you so afraid of being ravished by your partner? Why have you relinquished your voice and given up wearing your crown and commanding what you desire?
I have to ask, because the majority of women are walking around absolutely stone-froze-afraid of their own pleasure.
When did pleasure take the back seat for you? When did sex become all about him?
Fuck that shit. Time to get selfish... because - ACTUALLY - when you serve your deepest pleasure you'll take him right along with you. No worries there.
Within you I know there is a queen. A royal lioness. A fierce femme spirit who knows she is here to create, to make waves, and to wield her gifts for good. She's the untamed soul. The mama bear. The wild woman. SHE has the vibration of YES! YES! YES!!!! running through her veins. Her pleasure is UNVEILED and completely unapologetic.
SHE is not going to take sex from her partner that is sub-par and does not serve her pleasure.
In fact, she probably wants to vomit at the idea of sexual obligation, too.
SHE is a total vixen... and I'm afraid you've locked her away in favor of the inner victim you're currently leaving in charge of you and your body.
This inner victim has been programmed in a very particular way. When the topic of sex comes up in your world (with your partner or just in conversation with a friend) your inner victim says, "Ugh, all he ever wants is sex! I feel like he doesn't even see me... he just sees a sex object! What am I? Glorified real-life porn? Not to mention sex is always all about him - I never get what I want."
Ah, and so the truth is told.
YOU never get what YOU want. And why is that?
Well, my dear - when is the last time you asked. And, no, I don't mean the last time you asked him to stop touching you and stop pursuing you.
I mean the last time you truly voiced exactly what you wanted from him?
Can you trust yourself to do that? To speak up? To ask?
There's a prevalent epidemic of women afraid to get what they want. Afraid to ask for what they want.
Ask and you shall receive. Shut down and you shall repel.
The assumptions you've been making about your partner just wanting sex from you and it being all about him... what if they aren't true?
What if you're the one who's made them all up, thought them a thousand times, and turned them into deeply rooted beliefs about who you are and how you exist in your sexuality?
Let's try on a few new ones for size:
When he wants sex, he wants me... all of me.
When he touches me, he wants to see me uninhibitedly aroused.
When he slides his fingers into the depths of my pussy, he wants me in all my wet, messiness.
When he goes down on me, he wants to smell, taste, and touch me with every sense he has.
When he gives me that look, he wants to draw out the vixen in me. He wants me to beat him to the punchline, he wants me to draw my sword, threaten war, and then cast it aside to let him plunge his own into the sheath of my consuming essence.
Fuck bland. Fuck boring. Fuck building walls between you and your partner.
What if you let yourself have your way with him? Your sex life is your life… allow yourself to be wild here and you’ll find your wild everywhere.
Unleash the power of your most important sex organ - your whole-body-mind - and feel every cell of you buzzing with the pleasure of life.
If it seems all he wants is sex... look deeper into yourself and see why that judgement is there. Let yourself BE and FEEL and release the fear. You deserve pleasure, too.