THOSE TEARS WERE HOT... and I just let them burn... Grief, Loss, and Embodiment


THOSE TEARS WERE HOT... and I just let them burn.

Anniversaries of loss can be an absolute bitch.

Grief isn't an easy thing to *allow* ourselves to experience, and often times we want that one-day container to be enough.

It's not. It never is.

Grief lays us bare, reminds us of our vulnerability, and picks at soul scabs not yet healed... calling us into deeper work, richer embodiment, fuller living.

This past weekend marked an anniversary for me that my body remembers, even when my mind does not.

I'll never forget the first year anniversary of this day... when I saw another mother with her new baby and my womb jumped up into my throat and choked me with tears.

The anniversary of the due date of the first baby I miscarried five years ago. Holy shit - FIVE YEARS.

My cells remember the confusion and loss.

My womb remembers it's emptiness and weeping of blood.

My breasts remember unfulfilled promises of a nursling that was never held.

With my legs up the wall, I allowed my body to relax into the anxiety, the sensations, the jitters that suddenly flooded me after completing my work day.

Had I done enough? What was my next step? Where am I going, now? What's the purpose of all of this?

Anxiety really likes to keep things vague. Keep us distracted. Avoid grieving at all costs. Because grieving gets real and specific and commands healing to come.

As long as anxiety can keep up separated from our bodies, from our hurt, from our losses... it can keep us in an illusion of safety.

Laying there, I just felt. I just breathed.

I felt my psoas releasing deep within my body... emotions welling up like a wave. This well of traumas and unhandled energy breaking free to be felt, to flow, to accomplish its mission. What is that mission? Expression. Awareness. Embodiment. Presence.

Bringing me deeper into wholeness. Refusing to be ignored.

As the hot tears began to roll down my cheeks my daughter asked, "Mommy, what are you doing?"

"I'm being present with my body and letting myself feel my feelings."

"Oh," she replied and went about the rest of her lunch.

I just laid myself there in the middle of the house, legs up the wall and felt myself. An intense cramp contracting in my right middle back, letting me know there was more... I allowed.

I didn't think too much. I didn't replay events or wonder. I just felt.

And then I thought it was over.

That night as my husband and I talked about our lives, our future, our businesses... I said, "Something just doesn't feel right."

And then he brought it up... the baby.

No, not the baby I had lost, but the one that has been present with me for about two years now... the one I'm sure will join our family someday.

I was already teary and feeling hormonal... but this pushed me over the edge.

I sobbed. Rather, I stopped breathing. My body pulled me in, every muscle in my core contracting. My diaphragm reaching into the recesses of my subconscious, my body, my being to bring all that shit up.

And I wept, gasping for air, one of those deep death life-is-coming kind of cries.

I just let myself feel. I stopped judging my desire to meet this other child. I stopped numbing out the pain of having not met two of my children that I'd held in my womb but not in my arms. I just was.

And I don't think it's over.

This is an anti-climactic story. This is the circle of death and life told.

I am still healing. I am still here. I have re-written my c-section story, my own birth, and so many other parts of my past... and now this is presenting itself for new life, new meaning, and new unapologetic embodied expression.

Doing the real inner work is not always about appearing fierce and flawless. Doing the work isn't always impressive or conclusive. Doing the work means showing up for yourself, trusting what is coming up for you, and investing all of who you are in the journey.

You can't ignore your need for that kind of work if you really want to thrive in your life and relationships. If you try, you'll end up blaming everyone else for reflecting back at you what is really going on within.

You can't ignore your need for sacred space and support... for this is not a path you have to walk alone, though it is one you have to choose to walk through the depths of loneliness so that you might prove to yourself how very held and loved you are.

What hot tears are you holding in? What fire are you circling, refusing to walk through it? What grief have you left unfelt because you're afraid of the power it might bring you?

The seed struggles to push up through the earth and becomes stronger, but it does not suffer. It dies and becomes one with the earth again, but it does not suffer. It simply exists fully in every moment of the life-death-life cycle.

Step into that cycle for yourself. Allow. Breathe. Feel. And let yourself move through the lonliness - commanding the company you crave so that you are never, ever alone.



P.S. The first week in October marks the launch of the Worship HER Fan Club - a sacred sisterhood space where we dive deep into this inner work. I've created this as a super affordable way for women to not only work with me but also have access to a safe, soul-centered sisterhood that meets (virtually) face-to-face that we may each be fully seen and fully heard and fully whole/healing. For details, CLICK HERE. Sending you deep womb love!


GUILT, SHAME, AND RECLAIMING YOUR SEXUAL POWER… ​even if the “sex is good” and you’re convinced you’re totally “sexually empowered"

GUILT, SHAME, AND RECLAIMING YOUR SEXUAL POWER… ​even if the “sex is good” and you’re convinced you’re totally “sexually empowered"

“The sex is good… great actually… but I still don’t feel comfortable in my own skin as a woman,” she said.


Sexual disconnect is not “just about sex,” the effects run deep and wide. When we measure the health and vitality of our sexuality based on the amount of pleasure we can experience in a sexual encounter - we’ve only found a fragment of an answer.


Orgasms don’t automatically equal empowerment.


Disconnect from sexual power can manifest itself in feelings of fear and lack around money, insecurity around creativity and abilities, body hate, deflecting attention, resistance in intimate relationships, nagging your children, and an obsessive clinging to dogma, rules, and perfectionism. All of these are external symptoms of

How I Redefined Sexual Satisfaction

How I Redefined Sexual Satisfaction

There’s one thing NO orgasms and TOO MANY orgasms have in common…

They can both leave you utterly dissatisfied, frustrated, and on edge… but why? 

“What does it mean to be sexually satisfied?"

This was the question I was still asking myself after years working through my own sexual shame, emotional blocks, and intimate resistance. Even though I had found sensual liberation within myself and sexual connection with my partner like never before… there was something missing....

How My Dad Showed Me His Heart with a Simple Tradition


“You can buy any outfit you want,” my dad said… and I was in heaven.

Every year I looked forward not only to my birthday, but to this day. Where I felt treated, special, and lavished with a special kind of attention.

It’s not that I normally lacked these things – I am a charismatic, performer-type first born after all – however in any family with more than one child, getting special one on one time with a parent is pure bliss.

When I look back over the years I realize that this small birthday tradition between my dad and I was one of the ways he showed me his love, his heart, and his desire to be a great father. The countless sporting events, performances, and award ceremonies he showed up for, video camera in hand, were wonderful too… but the emotion behind those memories just isn’t quite the same.

As a parent myself now I can see that showing up for something your child is already doing creates trust and a feeling of support in the relationship… But, when you go out of your way to do something for a child that you don’t necessarily like or wouldn’t do for your own pleasure and that is not attached to an outcome, achievement, or performance (like my dad going clothes shopping) speaks a different kind of love. This act says – I see you, and I love you just for who you are, not for what you can do.

I could tell that my dad enjoyed taking me on our annual birthday shopping trip purely for the joy it brought me. He had my love language down pat. He saw my childhood passions – fashion, design, and sewing – and showed me that he cared.

As I near another birthday this week, I’m reminded of the importance of speaking this kind of love to my own children.

My daughter, GloryAnne, commands, or should I say demands my attention when she is dancing… which happens literally everywhere, all of the time. My eyes must be completely on her or it doesn’t count. Sometimes blinking seems to be an issue, too. It’s easy to get annoyed as busy parents to young children when they want and need so much from us. However, I get to remind myself that I can simply share in her joy and remind her, I see you, and I love you just for who you are, not for what you can do.

My son, Viggo, is always bringing his latest Lego creation to my attention and sometimes describing – in painstaking detail – what he has built. Often his creations are “replicas” of Star Wars ships or something from a favorite show or book. Saying that I understand what he is talking about even half of the time would be incredibly generous. In all honesty, I am not a huge builder type and when I do sit down to build with my kids I make models of the human energy system or see how tall I can stack single bricks. It’s not where my creativity flourishes, but he never judges or compares. Just my presence and my awe are enough. Each time I take a moment to truly acknowledge him I remind him, I see you, and I love you just for who you are, not for what you can do.

In the book, Quantum Touch author Richard Gordon says that for a child, simply watching is considered an act of love – it transcends all languages and applies across cultures. In fact, attention and watchfulness was the gift that my dad gave me every year on my birthday as he encouraged my innate gifts and personality to flourish.

Whenever we have discord in a relationship with our children, we can ask ourselves: Where am I not showing my child my love by being consumed by their joy and in awe of who they are? 

The next time your child asks for a special early morning walk alone with you (I adore when my son does this!) or is thrilled to show you their latest dance move or art project… stop and give yourself and your child the gift of your full presence.


Education Struggles can be a Catalyst for Transformation

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"Dyslexia is a gift, a talent,” she said… and my jaw dropped. I didn't think that my child had any sort of learning disability, so it never occurred to me that I would need a "special education" expert as a tutor for him… until I met Linda Vettrus-Nichols.

Linda has taught me that learning disabilities are just symptoms that show up when foundational pieces and patterns of self-regulation are not put in place - when...

Why Do I Have Reoccurring Dreams About My Ex?

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CONFESSION: I still dream about old boyfriends… 

… and I’ll bet you dream of your past loves, too. EVEN IF you’re happily paired with your partner. 

The more I talk with other men and women about their dream lives the more intrigued I am by what we dream of, how we dream, and what’s really happening when particular people and events show up there. Our dreams are 

Is the Shame of Pornography Addiction Destroying Your Marriage?

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When I said “I do” few days after my 19th birthday, there was one thing I knew – this marriage would be full of change and growth.

Little did I know how challenging and painful that change and growth would sometimes be.

When I married my husband, I knew that he struggled with an addiction to pornography. In fact, I was sure that getting married would help since we hadn’t been sexually active before marriage and from what I knew of “every man’s struggle” from Christian culture, dogma, and literature – if a man’s desires were appropriately satisfied and if he simply “turned his eyes” from temptation, then he would not “wander"...